Chapter 55.1

Chapter 55.1

Even though she said stop and was sick of it, Jasmine couldn’t believe she was shaking like this.

He kept coming to mind.

His touch, his warm embrace, his smile when their eyes met, and the small conversations they had together continued to rise like steam.

It wasn’t just a sunny summer of 7 days. It lingered in her body and mind like an earthquake, and Jasmine struggled with its aftermath.

She had become too excessively used to him. But pretending otherwise, she tried to become stronger.

This, too, shall pass. Time will resolve everything.

They said the period immediately after a breakup was the hardest. If she endured, it would blur. It would. Everyone else said so.

People who had burned with passion like eternal lovers someday live well at some point—even happier after divorce.

‘What’s the difference between us?’

Yet, he was the first and last person she had loved and would ever change herself for. From her teenage years to now, he stained her being.

‘But what if I can’t forget? What if I keep going like this?’ Fear suddenly gripped her.

So, during the day, when she was cheerful and lively, at night—times when they had passionately bonded and fallen asleep together—she found herself alone in her spacious bed, embracing her teddy bear and weeping silently.

Jasmine was strong but emotional and honest. It was somewhat difficult because she needed to appear okay, although she wasn’t.

Even though friends encouraged her not to overdo it and she received caring attention mixed with concern from her worried family, tears of longing still flowed at night.

While she enjoyed the freedom to an astonishing degree, she also struggled with melancholy and deprivation. She was so confused by these conflicting emotions that even she herself was bewildered.

‘I’m relieved and confident that I did well, but at the same time, I indeed wanted to see him.’

It’s a lingering feeling incomparable to the longing from before… Is this regret? That’s probably why Lichang cautiously mentioned it.

“Regret is not a bad thing. Rather, it is natural.

“Even if you still have lingering feelings, don’t blame yourself too much. Do whatever your heart desires. We’re all on your side.”

It’s natural. But even though it was natural, she wondered when this fever would end.

Is there no cure for this?

With a somewhat tired expression, Jasmine hugged the teddy bear. Even though she tried not to think about him, thoughts suddenly popped up.

‘Am I being too harsh on myself? Even if I were to end it, I should have ended it more gracefully.’

‘I hope you don’t hurt too much because of me.’

How much it must have hurt his pride. He, who had never experienced such an insult in his life.

But at that time, if she didn’t act like that, Richard wouldn’t have let her go. It was obvious that the situation would repeat itself without ending. Jasmine couldn’t bear it.

It was too tiring and tough. So, with a heavy heart, she cut him off. Just for that moment, yes. She wished he would disappear from her sight.

If she could rid herself of the troublemaker who made her life difficult and turbulent, maybe her heart, these hellish emotions, would ease a bit, and she could breathe more comfortably.

She must be going mad. His feelings must have cooled off after she acted so maliciously.

‘Would he even think of me? Would he be suffering like I am?’

It was selfish of her to wish for that.

‘Not too upset, but maybe just a little. Just half as much as me.’

If he too easily swept her aside and went about his business as usual, calm and composed, she would probably get angry and depressed.

Perhaps this is what they call feeling hurt by one’s actions.

She laughed out loud and wiped her nose.

Maybe it’s accurate to say she was swept aside. This outcome wasn’t what Jasmine wanted. Clearly, her feelings remained, and she was disappointed.

Because their opinions didn’t align, because their thoughts and desires didn’t match.

Was that even a conversation? She’s not sure now. They resented and misunderstood each other and became frustrated and fought.

Jasmine didn’t expect to fight with Richard like that. Looking back, it was quite startling.

Like intertwined bodies without a gap, she was surprised at how well they got along like bosom buddies when they had affectionate conversations. It felt like he understood and accepted her entirely as if he knew her inside out.

Jasmine knew it was an illusion too well. The past seven years had made that clear to her. But the sweet illusion occasionally confused Jasmine. So she tried to regain her composure.

This could be quite toxic, so she tried not to fall into it too recklessly to maintain a long, strong relationship. She wanted to build it up firmly, carefully. And enjoy the process.