Chapter 49.1

Chapter 49.1

Marie, the maid, became increasingly worried when the young lady in her care seemed to be losing her mind at times. Her cheerful, graceful demeanor was gone.

“Young lady.”

In response to Marie’s cautious call, Jasmine forced a smile and, escorted by the servant, climbed into the carriage.

The door closed.

Eventually, the wheels of the carriage began to turn. Indifferently, as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened, it moved forward. Gradually, picking up speed.

With her body nestled inside, Jasmine gazed endlessly at the receding landscape. It had only been a week, but there was nothing she hadn’t etched into her memory.

From the tall oak trees to the dense forest aroma of this provincial town, the rich scent of grapes, the unusually vibrant sunlight, and even the memories of them making love everywhere.

Every detail seemed too precious. Feeling like tears might well up, she drew the curtains to shield herself.

“Jasmine!”

It sounded like a desperate cry from afar, but she couldn’t be certain.

***

Richard endured for a while. 1 minute, 2 minutes, 3 minutes… Like a hunting dog, he patiently waited as if he had heard the command to stay. Even after his legs began to tingle, Richard persistently stared at the spot where she had left him with bloodshot eyes.

Externally, he appeared still, almost lifeless. Someone you’d prefer to avoid due to an eerie silence, but internally, it was anything but.

Endless questions, anger, shame, humiliation, a bitter regret verging on fury, and self-blame stormed through him like a tempest. Questions, questions, questions, anger, anger, anger, followed by self-blame and regret. A drop of resentment but a larger regret.

How did it come to this?

Exactly where did it all go wrong?

No matter how much he rewound, replaying the worst mistakes and situations that unfolded here like a lunatic, no satisfactory conclusion emerged. Everything was wrong. Everything was lacking and insufficient.

Fu!ck. Fu!ck. Fu!cking crazy.

He ruined everything.

He screwed up.

The arguments in the garden, the morning standoff, and the conversation marked the beginning of a serious rift in the study. If only he could erase everything that happened today.

Why did I do that? Why did I leave her and go to meet Jilian? Why wasn’t I more careful?

As always, he felt the victory in his bones.

Everything seemed satisfying and going well. As his feelings for Jasmine deepened, his confidence grew. Simultaneously, inner restlessness, impatience, and the shadow of anxiety also extended, but he thought he could handle that, just like always.

As his greed for her increased, unable to completely possess her, unable to know and control everything about her, perhaps that’s why. If she were completely within his possession, from her head to her toes, it would be enough.

Isn’t it because his desire for that woman increased, but he couldn’t completely possess her, and he couldn’t know and control everything about her?

Then he thought, ‘All I have to do is to keep this woman within my grasp.’

He thought he could wholeheartedly pour out his affections by swallowing her whole and enclosing her in his arms.

Luckily, she already liked him. Excellent. It would have been smooth sailing like this. Like a cunning wolf with well-laid plans, he approached the woman who had jumped into him fearlessly. All the while, things were quite tumultuous inside his head.

He couldn’t help it. She had shaken him up in a short period and expanded her influence on him without him even realizing it. He felt embarrassed and perhaps even threatened by this change. The anxiety he felt may have been a threat and fear about Jasmine’s emotional influence on him.

In fact, just by holding her hand and talking to him, this woman looks so peaceful and happy, as if she had the world. He wasn’t necessarily like that.

He was nice, but he wasn’t very comfortable. Now, Richard was able to look into his inner thoughts more clearly.

You are so sweet and pretty that it makes me pant like a dog, yet you are so strange and dangerous that you befuddle me.

Throughout his life, no one had infiltrated so deeply, and he was both the most intimate and adorable enemy. Yes, an enemy. Until now, Richard had never had anyone close to him who disrupted his control.

Whether it was alcohol or tobacco, he kept it moderate, regular meals and sleep, pleasure and joy, anticipation, and pain, all rarely exceeded appropriate levels.

His teenage wanderings, the weight and fear of death on the battlefield, and even his feelings for Lily were like that.

He strictly maintained this control from childhood. He could endure the injuries and deaths on the battlefield and the burden of being a commander because he understood the solidity of his honor and status and the sense of responsibility that would follow.

Even his interest in women, yes. Nysa’s words were correct. He vaguely sensed that it was just a passing wind. Getting emotionally attached was foolish and not worth it.

Time will resolve bitterness and pain. Because it was fantasy and heat with restraint, it was possible to control it to some extent, and thus, he could retreat with dignity.