Chapter 7.1

Chapter 7.1

Doctor Ahn coldly pulled away the hand I had grabbed. A voice as cold and dry as her glasses frames rang in my ears.

“Yeohee-ssi, are you still clinging to those worldly things from outside after committing such a grave act?”

“…Pardon?”

“Weren’t you supposed to be reborn as a new person, to turn your life around? I thought you, Yeohee-ssi, were repenting and pledging to become a servant in a new life under the Lord.”

Doctor Ahn’s face showed not just disappointment but outright disillusionment. The woman who had seemed fluffy like dandelion seeds in this drab and rough prison was gone. Familiar boredom and contempt hovered around her plump cheeks.

Faced with a reaction completely off from what I expected, I was at a loss for words for a moment.

“Ah, um, I mean that’s—”

“Yeohee-ssi, are you still thinking of pleasure goods like cigarettes? Especially someone who caused an accident while drinking outside…”

“…….”

“You don’t remember hitting someone while drunk, do you? Why are you trying to reach those vulgar indulgences again, huh?”

She seemed to be referring to my crime. Assault, was it? I didn’t know it involved drinking. She looks so prim and proper, this Ham Yeohee woman must have been quite the troublemaker.

Anyway, since I desperately needed Doctor Ahn’s help, I vaguely strung together excuse-like words.

“No, Teacher. That’s not it, actually I—”

With the sound of a chair scraping, Doctor Ahn, who had been sitting by the cot, stood up.

“You seem fine now, so go ahead and leave, 7059.”

It was an unmistakable order to leave, with no room for reconsideration.

The way the woman turned, her white coat fluttering as if wind were blowing from it, was chilly. At that sharp movement, I couldn’t even make further excuses and stood up.

Until the guard she called over the intercom arrived, I stood in a corner of the infirmary like a ‘real criminal.’ Doctor Ahn’s back, busily opening the metal cabinet to organize the standing medicines, looked quite busy.

“7059, out.”

As always, the man with his cap pressed low stood outside the door and commanded. Doctor Ahn must have been really angry, because even though Deputy Ki, whom she usually greeted so warmly, came, she just turned her head and gave a mere nod.

I hesitated, taking a few steps, then looked back at Doctor Ahn and dragged my feet again. As I stepped into the hallway, the warm air lingering in the infirmary vanished, replaced by cold and desolate air touching my face. Hearing the silent urging, my white rubber shoes walked the gray cement path.

A day had passed, so if I didn’t secure three packs of cigarettes by today or tomorrow, everything I’d worked hard to obtain would vanish. It felt like watching hope built of salt in the middle of a river. My insides burned with anxiety, like standing by the riverbank fretting over things that would soon melt away.

It felt like a sock had been stuffed down my throat, my breathing choked.

What on earth did I do?

What the hell did I do wrong? To be trapped in this woman’s body that has nothing to do with me and forced to feel all these emotions?

Above all, Doctor Ahn’s attitude made me feel sorrowful. The coldness from the woman who had once held a bit of warmth reminded me once again of the complete disconnection from the world I belonged to.

Gentle and kind, things like encouragement and comfort. Outside these walls, they were fully mine and taken for granted, but now I felt cast out from them.

It felt like a sign that I could never enjoy such things again. The weight lodged right in the middle of my chest, and refused to go down.

What was stuck in my throat wasn’t a sock, but that anxiety. The tangled fear that I might never return to my original self.

Tears came that hadn’t when I was beaten or mocked. What more do I have to do now? What more could I possibly do? If I can’t even get three packs of cigarettes, what can I possibly achieve?

Do I have no choice but to stay trapped in this unknown woman’s body until the sentence is served? My eyes quickly grew hot, and warm droplets trickled down my cold cheeks.

“…sob.”

I tried to swallow the sobs, but the sounds leaked out as if refusing to be held back. In that moment, I forgot this was a prison hallway, that the man beside me was a guard.

Who does it matter? It was just unfair, infuriating, resentful, and unbearably sad. The sobs kept surging up as if they had been pooling and sloshing at the bottom all along.

“Sob… Hic, sob… Waaah…”

Dragging my white rubber shoes, I kept crying quietly. Eventually, I couldn’t hold back and sobbed out loud. I felt like I couldn’t endure anymore.

I sank on the spot and wailed like a child. A flat, cold voice descended over my head like frost.

“7059, get up and walk.”