Chapter 6.2

Chapter 6.2

“She looks ready to do anything we tell her.”

The cream smeared on Wangnyeo’s mouth felt slimy and gross.

Suddenly, my stomach churned. My vision blurred repeatedly as scenes and sounds tangled together chaotically.

Mocking faces, condescending stares, words laced with scorn and dismissal. Feelings of isolation and powerlessness enveloped me like the air of a familiar hometown.

It was strange, this kind of thing never happened in my life. The back of my neck prickled, and my fingertips trembled.

Whisper, whisper.

Indistinct voices slowly spread.

The sounds formed sentences, etching into my mind like photographs.

Look at that idiot. So clueless, like a complete fool.

What don’t I know?

I grabbed at one grating sentence and tried to ask, but no answer came. Someone in my head kept whispering other words incessantly in my ears.

All the stupidity in the world must be in her head. Her actions are nothing short of idiotic.

My stomach roiled.

What do you even do right?

That one’s crying again. Ugh, I’m so sick of it.

F!,ck, even touching her ch3.st is so damn expensive.

Why do you live like this?

What’s the point of your existence?

Buzz, buzz. The sentences rose and fell, swirling in my head all at once.

I felt suffocated. I felt like vomiting. The nausea was unbearable. It was like being alone in a room with dozens of people talking at once, hearing every sound.

My vision spun. Amid the murky mix of sentences and words, someone maliciously hammered words into my ears.

You don’t even know who your husband is screwing, do you?

At that moment, something surged from deep in my gut.

A pitch black night, a terrace railing… No, was that the prison wall? Something sharp stabbed at my insides, as if about to tear through me.

Uweeek.

With a harsh, gut-scraping sound, I threw up everything I hadn’t even eaten much of.

***

I knew there were people who hated me. I knew there were those who smiled and acted friendly to my face but slandered and mocked me behind my back.

I knew people whispered that no backup dancer hadn’t slept with Geummi, that her hip-swaying dance moves hooked every man, that she climbed to her position by seducing broadcast PDs and CEOs with her body.

In a music industry dominated by pure, delicate singers like Ha Sumin or Lee Jiyoon, I was a challenge, a provocation, a disruption. On TV and in magazines, most cheered my outspokenness, but I also knew there were envious, spiteful glares.

But so what?

Whether people hated me, disliked me, or slandered me behind my back, I didn’t care one bit.

Their words were knives, but by the time they reached me, the blades were so dull that they were unable to leave a scratch. That was how I am.

Because I’m Geummi. Bold, unapologetic, never cowed. I don’t bow to anyone and I’m living the life everyone envied.

Yes, that’s me. If I wanted something, I didn’t wait for luck. I took it, even if it belonged to someone else. That’s who Kim Geummi was.

That’s the kind of person I am, I’m definitely—

“Doctor, I must’ve committed a terrible sin…”

They say there are sins you commit unknowingly. Maybe, as Geummi, I did something wrong.

Honestly, I couldn’t confidently say I never gave anyone a reason to resent me. Maybe I did something to deserve a hit in the dark, or maybe I committed a sin big enough for this punishment.

Interpreting my words somehow, Doctor Ahn let out a soft sigh and clasped my hand.

“Yeohee-ssi, we’re all sinners. None of us can stand blameless.”

“…Even you, Doctor Ahn?”

“Of course.”

What a strange person. To say she’s a sinner in front of someone locked up for real crimes. Is religion what makes someone so humble?

I glanced at the cross on the infirmary wall. For some reason, looking at it made my heart clench. I quickly looked away.

My attempt to get three packs of cigarettes had failed. Even I thought it was ridiculous, I also realized I was in a situation desperate enough to lose my sense of judgment.

Seeing Wangnyeo and Yera, there was no way they’d lend me commissary money. I’d have been better off asking a random passerby for cigarettes.

“…”

“What’s wrong, Yeohee-ssi?”

“Doctor.”

When I called her with a different tone, her eyes behind round glasses blinked slowly, like a cow’s. I desperately grabbed her plump fingers.

“Doctor, I… I’m really sorry, but could you put some money in my commissary? I’ll pay you back.”

Doctor Ahn watched me silently, as if waiting for me to continue.

“There, there’s something I really need… I checked, and I don’t have any commissary money, and my family… I can’t reach them.”

As if understanding, Doctor Ahn let out a deep sigh. Relief washed over me. I’d made it, it was done.

“I’m sorry, Yeohee-ssi, but prison staff can’t deposit commissary money for inmates.”

“Wh-why?”

“Well… administrative reasons, let’s say.”

Doctor Ahn smiled awkwardly as if she was put in a tight spot.

It made sense when I thought about it. This was a place crawling with inmates, and you couldn’t rule out someone intimidating a soft-looking staff member to extort commissary money. I heard the sound of a sliver of hope crumbling.

“What do you need so badly, Yeohee-ssi? Is there something you’d like to eat?”

Hope flickered again.

“Uhm, it’s not anything else… Could you possibly get me just three packs of cigarettes?”

“…”

“Any kind of 88 cigarettes is fine. Sol or Rose would be fine too. Anything is fine as long as it’s cigarettes, just three packs if you could—”

A crack appeared on her kind, round face. Her gentle expression shattered like a broken bowl, a faint trace of contempt flickered at the corner of her eyes.