Chapter 157

Chapter 157

Deatrice often thought of Dixie apart from thinking of Lucius. She wanted to know what decision Dixie had made, what future she had to deal with. And she hoped to get some hint of her own problems through him.

Even after the week-long reception, Deatrice did not return to Northum. She also had the Duke’s request to help the former Marquis of Troy, who had become the Duchess, adapt, but to be precise, it was to find out if the Duke was entangled in the letter from Fredhi and the rebellion that was about to happen again.

But most of her efforts had gone in vain, and she would feel as if she had just returned to her days at the Duke’s mansion, left alone without Lucius.

This was especially true of servants who moved silently like shadows, candles that lit little by little, the sound of tableware resounding in the large and spacious dining room, and conversations exchanged only as needed.

It was as if she was once again imprisoned in the discipline that had sustained the Duke’s residence for decades.

Apart from loving Lucius, she did not change the idea that she had fallen in social status by marrying him. Now that she had come back to the duke’s mansion, she realized that the freedom gained through marriage was incomparably more valuable and would not have been possible had it not been for Lucius.

Had she married Fredhi, she would have taken the same surname as the duke, only of a different size, and would have done the things she had been learning all her life. It wasn’t that her life was bad, but she would be a completely different person living that life.

“I love you.”

Deatrice recalled what Lucius had said to her before leaving. To her who was trying to answer him, Lucius said,

“Not now, respond after I’ve returned. When your heart is ready, and your feelings have grown stronger.”

She understood the meaning of those words and could fathom the depth of his love. While thinking about how to respond to his love, she soon began writing a letter to Alhen’s temple.

Of course, she knew that the reason Lucius said that wasn’t simply to urge her to write a letter to the temple, but Deatrice thought she had to do what she could to get their relationship back together.

When the letter was halfway completed, a guest visited and Deatrice had to leave. And when she returned, instead of the one she had written, a letter from Lucius was waiting for her.

[To Deatrice.

Did I mention the weather here is nice? Actually, until this point, I was busy with work, so I didn’t have time to check properly, but now that I look at it, it’s quite fresh here and I feel good. That would mean I’m a bit idle.

You said never to overdo it, but it’s true that I’ve been overdoing it a little. I thought I would be able to go back soon after I got things done quickly.

But the Emperor has ordered me to stay and I will be here until that order is withdrawn. I don’t know when that will be. But I will try not to think negatively. There must be circumstances that a mere knight like me can’t figure out.

Anyway, I’ll be coming to you soon, and we’ll be going home together.]

Having read that far, Deatrice fumbled her finger over the word ‘home he had written. Maybe he wrote it with force, but that part looked exceptionally thick compared to other parts.

She wondered if Lucius, like her, was thrilled about the fact that they were sharing a house together. She must have felt as if she had returned to the tender days of six years ago, when she had been looking forward to marrying him.

Deatrice, who was soaked in short sentiment, was late, but thought that if he returned home, they should have their portraits drawn. Thinking of the portrait of her typical posture, of her sitting in her chair and him in his uniform with a hand resting on her shoulder, made her laugh out of embarrassment.

However, the portrait will make them realize that they have created a new family as others call them the ‘Elliots’.

She organized her thoughts and finished reading the letter.

[You said that in the letter I sent you last time. That you hope you won’t let me down anymore.

You don’t know how bad I felt after reading that.

Six years ago, I had a hard time with you. Apart from loving and caring for you, there was always anxiety about how we would end. I thought I didn’t know why you chose me. I knew you loved me, but I thought I wouldn’t be able to marry you.

The reason I am saying this now is not to arouse your feelings of guilt, nor is it to say things like ‘I’m sorry for making you experience the feelings I experienced then’. (Absolutely not. If that’s the case, then you should abandon me.) It’s only when I realize that the reason I felt that way was because I didn’t know you well, and it was because there were facts I was hiding.

I feel like I know you more only by now.

I don’t know the anxiety you must have felt or the hardships you must have suffered while living at the duke’s residence, but you are a kind and guilt-free person.

The abandonment of me, the death of your mother, and even the prince remain as stones to you, to the point where sometimes when I hold you, I feel the weight of them all. So tell me. I don’t know about others, but you don’t have to hide it from me.

Did I say I’d give you all of me?

I might have said this one day, since I was talking all kinds of sweet things to you in the heat of the past, but now I’ve been very careful. I spent time harassing you in a petty and childish way, anxious about past wounds, and didn’t cherish you. I have nothing to say about that.

If you allow me, Deatrice, I want to dedicate myself to you once more.

My heart is all yours. Maybe even more than six years ago, you fill me. So don’t say that you’re afraid to disappoint me. How dare I be disappointed of you?

With love,

Lucius.]