Chapter 49.2

Chapter 49.2

Richard didn’t do things because he was desperate for the other person but because it was something he could do to that extent.

But Jasmine?

Just recalling her name made something surge inside him. He breathed heavily as if about to vomit, running his trembling hands through disheveled hair. Even while taking deep breaths and splashing his face with cold water, his heart raced with anxiety.

Was it the pulsating sensation of blood flowing through a pierced wound or the feeling of forever losing something, similar to his own experience, that made him restless and desperate to regain it, echoing in his mind? Even that was ambiguous.

It was painful and empty as if she had taken away his heart, leaving it hollow. It felt like an absurd sensation—intense hunger, unbearable pain, anger, and frustration born from emptiness.

“Fu!ck…” he muttered vulgarities, chewing on his dry lips.

Just a few hours ago, he had been embracing her small body, kissing her lips, and now only the desolation remained, devoid of warmth and sensation.

Despite his efforts to find reason, his hands shook more as time passed, and wild thoughts and instinctual impulses ran rampant in his mind like a devil.

These were truly shallow, rude, and oppressive thoughts that made him sick of them. Mentally unstable, he was tempted by those impulses even before the shock and rejection could take hold.

He beat himself from a few hours ago, who foolishly spoke stupid words. So, it felt somewhat refreshing.

Instead of just staring at her as she poured out cruel words, he pulled her close and kissed her passionately, covering her mouth. So that she could no longer say or think anything bad about him. Looking down at her crying in his arms, he felt less anxious.

And… in the end, she left him. The rational, lovely, and cruel woman. Pretending to be submissive as if she would embrace everything and then suddenly snatching everything away.

It’s not too late. Should I chase after you now? Capture you and… you…

His bright blue eyes were bloodshot and dark. He remembered her fingertips trembling lightly. He came to his senses the moment she desperately clung to him, clawing at his shoulders, her muffled cries breaking through his gasps and reaching his ears as an intense climax came upon her.

It was only for a moment, but he belatedly realized that he had reached the realm of madness, and he turned pale and touched his forehead.  He wanted to vomit. He was insane.

Yes, he couldn’t expect any wise judgments in his current state.

So, he should calm down and settle his mind, but is that even possible? Is that even something that can be done?

“For fu!ck’s sake.”

Spitting out curses again, he paced aimlessly, his mind wandering. Kicking off garden tools for no reason.

However, it was difficult for him to endure it to not fall to an even lower level. After a long time, he could catch his breath properly as he combed through his once neat black hair. Between his fingers covering his eyes, his sparkling eyes glared ahead.

He had to talk to Jasmine again.

This time, more rationally.

Anything she wants, anything…

Yes, he thought he could kneel, kiss her feet like a slave, beg desperately while gently slapping her plump peach-like cheek and getting his lips wet, gradually moving up to plead. So, if you look at me again…

It seemed like he could do anything, any demeaning act without hesitation, devoid of pride. A dog, as she had said. He chuckled lowly to himself, finding his situation too ridiculous to bear. How did it come to this? How did it?

Despite the shame and self-loathing, he couldn’t help it.

He couldn’t endure another breath without her.

Eventually, Richard completely surrendered.

He couldn’t give up on Jasmine.

It was impossible. He couldn’t let her go. It was inconceivable. She was already his woman, and he was hers, so how could it be possible? He didn’t understand. How could she easily say words like “Let’s end this”? How?

Jillian had called it a mere week-long relationship, but it wasn’t that for Richard. He didn’t believe in gods, but for the first time, he could somewhat understand the biblical concept of God creating the world in seven days.

It was that profound of a transformation. His worldview, emotions, values, and the pursuit of his future—nothing remained the same as before.  It wasn’t just about getting to know a woman and liking her.

The peace that came to him just by receiving her generous affection. The fulfillment and pleasure when their minds, hearts, and bodies connect in harmony. They were incomparable to anything else.

Their shared values. The pleasant conversations nourished his soul even if they chatted about random things. How free and comfortable spending each day without worrying about restraining oneself was.

As he touched on each aspect, a comforting pain unexpectedly surged. Richard couldn’t help but groan. At that moment, he clearly realized. The things Jasmine gave him weren’t lightweight, easy, or worthless.

He thought he knew, but did he really?

Da.mn it, I miss you.