Chapter 44.2

Chapter 44.2

But his greatest fear wasn’t over his strangeness or frustrations. No, his greatest fear was: How do I explain this strange new me to others, to Jasmine?

The truth was, he was weird and incomprehensible. He had become a lunatic.

In Richard’s worldview, those who engaged in such behavior were men who suffered from obsessive disorders, stalkers fixated on their lovers or wives, or individuals needing counseling from a psychiatrist due to excessive attachment.

Throughout his life, Richard had never considered himself on the same level as such individuals.

Jasmine was right; he had calculated their union and future. He’d done it because it made him feel better. Because it made him feel less unsettled.

As Richard struggled to continue the conversation, a look of understanding dawned on Jasmine’s face. She felt like choking.

“Hahaha. I thought… the way you were talking, the way you were acting, I thought…”

“Jasmine.”

“You kept saying that you feel comfortable when you’re with me. That you like me, listen to me, and my family background is acceptable. I understand. I might feel the same way.”

“No, it’s not like that, Jasmine.”

Richard continued to deny it. His thoughts were tangled like a messy thread, but one thing was clear. Jasmine was not trivial to him; she held more weight than he could dare to measure.

He didn’t know what to say to change Jasmine’s mind, so he desperately grabbed her and picked out words. What can I do? How can I….

“It’s a misunderstanding. You’re precious to me. You know that.”

Richard’s face twisted. He felt conflicted to the point of madness. On the one hand, he understood why she had turned so cold, but on the other hand, it stung.

Why? Why? Haven’t we been so good together? Didn’t you say that you like me?

You’re closer to me than anyone else. How could you be so blind to my feelings? I’ve kissed you all over and told you I love you dozens of times. I’ve never been with anyone in my life that I’ve cared about so much that I told them everything I felt, and I haven’t even done that with my own family.

“What the Crown Prince said was about our relationship and my feelings. You misunderstood by only hearing a part of what I said. What I meant back then was that…”

How can you not know me?

“I wanted to propose to you. That’s why I consulted with him first.”

You know I’m a person who doesn’t… know how to deal with feelings. How.

Heat rose to the corners of my eyes from the rising emotion. He wiped his forehead. An unfamiliar headache washed over him. Her voice rumbled through his nerves.

“That’s something I don’t understand. You never said a word to me, but why did you share such important news with someone else first? Where is my say in this? When did I ever want that?”

“So, are you saying you don’t want me?”

“That’s not what I’m saying.”

As Richard’s unyielding expression turned narrow, Jasmine spoke up.

“Strictly speaking, didn’t you propose to me first?” he said.

“And you rejected it.”

Even with her cold response, Richard faced her expressionlessly.

“Yes, it was a terrible choice. I regret that decision.”

“Hah, regretting it now.”

If his words had come at the right time, they might have deeply moved Jasmine. However, in the current atmosphere where trust was wavering, the statement sounded like regret over rejecting an optimal opportunity.

It didn’t resonate logically amidst intense emotions. Despite Jasmine’s scoffing, Richard expressed his intentions unwaveringly.

“I foolishly let it fall apart back then, but I only tried to undo a wrong. It’s just that.”

“When did you start thinking about that? It’s been months since it happened! Just a month ago, you didn’t intend to revisit that matter. Am I wrong? How did we end up like this?”

Jasmine screamed before closing her eyes tightly. Her clenched fist trembled.

“It was after we slept together. I ran to you like a madman, and that’s how we ended up like this. I know this isn’t romantic or beautiful. If we hadn’t crossed paths at the summer cottage, if I hadn’t recklessly emptied a bottle of wine that night, it wouldn’t have turned out like this! We would have just been passing acquaintances. Am I wrong? You weren’t interested in me! Without this incident, would a principled person like you, who’s as rigid as a stone, have gone out of his way to pick up the pieces of an already destroyed marriage!”

“I won’t deny that.”

Jasmine’s mouth dropped open at Richard’s brazenly honest response. But he was not finished.