I’m so irritated.
I’m so irritated, I’m so irritated, I’m so irritated!
Jasmine held her breath and slipped away from the scene, arriving home with feeble steps. Even in the face of her family’s worried inquiries about what was wrong, she shook her head nervously and locked her door.
Then, she began to pound a large teddy bear with her fist. Otherwise, it felt like she’d rip her hair out and cry like a fool.
From within, a buildup of sorrow and resentment from a long unrequited love and the frustration of Richard being in love with the wrong woman in this nonsensical love triangle surged.
Anger and jealousy toward a woman she didn’t even know were present.
It would’ve been so much better when she mistakenly thought Richard was an impenetrable wall uninterested in women.
Oh my goodness. Richard has a crush!
Who on earth is the girl? How amazing must she be!
Her frustration and resentment surged, making her feel so pathetic that tears welled up.
The cotton of the teddy bear, which she had vigorously pounded with her fist in her passionate anger, had become lumpy and flat, yet Jasmine remained melancholic and angry.
This was not the kind of challenge that could be overcome by putting in an effort.
Before she started liking Richard, Jasmine had been one of the happiest girls in the world, if not the happiest – always enjoying delicious food, playing around, laughing with her brothers, basking in her parents’ love and affection, and her biggest concern was what she would do tomorrow and what snacks she would eat.
But suddenly, she found herself relentlessly striving and sitting amidst the elite of the social circle, infatuated with an exceedingly handsome and accomplished guy.
It wasn’t what the cultured and refined lady that Jasmine had initially desired. She was much simpler and more emotionally honest than how others perceived her.
She gave up on her beloved chocolates, switched to tasteless vegetable juices with salads, exchanged giggles for ballet, and traded romance novels she used to read for scholarly books, all to train herself over those seven years.
After puberty, Jasmine’s life wasn’t just about having a crush on Richard; it was more than that. It had turned her life upside down, affecting her direction and identity.
It was like telling a student who had shed sweat and tears to earn their diploma, “Sorry, but you’ve failed. Maybe you won’t even graduate even if you try again. Want to transfer schools? Or maybe drop out?” It was as if her efforts were being stepped on and crushed, leaving her feeling worthless.
She didn’t even have the right to be angry because her feelings were one-sided.
It was like trampling on her dignity and everything else. It felt like becoming a miserable, insignificant person. That’s how unrequited love was. Just the existence of someone who didn’t even care about her existence could erode her self-esteem like ants eating away at it.
Jasmine lay down on her side, hugging the teddy bear crumpled up like a bread roll as she absorbed the emotional blows for a while. ‘This teddy bear and me. We both seemed equally unable and despondent.’
Lost in thought, she absentmindedly stared at the empty air. After a while, when her youngest sibling’s concern and the knocks from her mother and older siblings, who had left after their worries, finally reached her, Jasmine regained her senses and murmured unintentionally.
“I should stop this.”
It was the first time. Over those seven years, despite liking him so much that it made her sick, and despite feeling doubt, she had never thought of giving up.
Thinking about her situation now, it was remarkable.
She, who had never put effort into anything consistently, had been so fervently, almost religiously, devoted to one person. Why did she like him so much, as if he was the best thing in the world, even though he showed no interest in her?
Jasmine’s past, where she had brushed aside everything as unimportant and laughed it off, seemed trivial compared to this serious and profound impression.
Seriously, this was strange. Why is he so wonderful? Unrequited love might last a year or two, but seven years? Isn’t that excessive? What’s wrong with you, Jasmine? Don’t you have any self-respect?
Well, it’s because he’s the most amazing and radiant person.
And he’s responsible and capable, which is excellent.
His gentlemanly qualities, and at the same time, his subtle stubbornness, his straightforwardness when he’s angry, it’s all charming in a unique way…
Why am I like this?
Jasmine blushed again and felt self-reproach. Wasn’t this a bit beyond normal? What should she do?
Can she ever end this tiresome one-sided love?
What if she continues like this for a lifetime?
And if he still has no interest in her?
She felt melancholic. Why did God bestow such a trial upon her, when she lived a kind and happy life? Shouldn’t He at least have spared her from this ordeal?
Her tears started to well up.
Everything is too complicated.
She wanted to just give up on everything.
Now, resentment towards that woman had eclipsed her feelings for Richard.
Why did you have to be so amazing, handsome, and perfect that you stole my heart? Couldn’t you have been a bit less attractive? A bit more foolish or vain? Why did it have to be me? Why me?!
I don’t want to love you.
Someone as cold and indifferent as you…
“I miss you.”
Jasmine’s eyes welled up with tears. She despised this side of herself. She found it pathetic. But what could she do? Her heart wasn’t following her lead.
“Does he even know my name?”
Eventually, tears streamed down uncontrollably, and that night, Jasmine sobbed her heart out until dawn broke.
Staring at the window as the first light of day crept in, she made a resolution.
Now, she was determined to sever this stubborn unrequited love.